Then the guilt set in babysitter rang to say little lewis was scratching his legs and had made himself bleed badly so i jumped in taxi to get home asap his legs are ok but i feel guilty for leaving him ..
My poor baby has so many health problems it hurts to think about how many he has if it aint his asthma playing up it his excema playing up like tonight then last week i found out part of his breathing problems r due to his left vocal chord being damaged docs think damage was already there when he was born and cos it been so long there is big ump on his vocal chord so next step is another sedation and MRI scan.
His nursery place has been put on hold the local school feel he b better of at special needs school and i do agree but it gonna hurt to seperate my boys in september and i dont know how they cope being seperated.. just wish i could get diagnosis now of what forn of autism he has so i can help him more.
On good point Adam's violence has calmed down loads he is hardly violent towards me or the other kids now which is good.
Ex hasnt been in contact since i told him to accept the contact i was offering him he didnt even bother ringing to see how Lewis went on at hospital...it looks like he gonna let kids down easter and not get them egg each i just dunno what to do regards him any more my kids are suffering cos of him they miss their daddy and it me who they ask questions of how can i tell them daddy is so madly in love with his own world and life he dont wanna know them so i end up having to lie to them it jst not fair ..... All i want is for my kids to b happy yet the ex is making them sad and i hate him for that!!
Me im happy with life at the moment barring my kids problems and kids sadness... the kids are my life and they will always be first no matter what but it is nice to have space to do my own thing and enjoy myself!
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